Monday Chat | Aug 25, 2025
đ Question: "How much should we do to help? Where is the balance?" If we donât face this question, we risk repeating the same mistakes that weaken both newcomers and those who serve
Welcome to Monday Chat. Every week I open this space to answer questions from those who care about newcomers and want to act with clarity. Think of it as a coffee table. You bring your concerns. I bring what I have learned from years of walking with displaced families, leaders, and practitioners. Together, we weigh the realities and search for steps that lead to life.
I focus on creating pathways that make it easier for people to move forward in a new setting. My goal is to raise a community of newcomers who are strong, informed, and prepared for their next steps.
I begin by entering their lives, listening, and building trust. I walk with them through trauma, helping them heal and find strength again. As stability grows, I guide them toward safe transition options and prepare them for what lies ahead.
Community integration is not the starting point. It is the final step of a long and difficult journey. Along the way, I make information clear and open so newcomers know their choices, and so the public knows how to act with them.
Presence Over Programs
Earlier this week I met a couple who have lived among newcomers for more than 20 years. They did not come with a program but with presence. They helped teams, sourced furniture, and shared in daily struggles. Their work continues today. What stood out was not what they gave but how they empowered. They did not overshadow. They stood alongside
Her example raises a pressing question:
How much should we do to help? Where is the balance?
Coming from an econometrics background in my early years, I remember how economists search for the point of equilibrium. Refugee work has the same tension. Too little and people sink. Too much and people lose agency. Equilibrium in this sense would mean finding the right balance between too little support, where people can struggle and sink, and too much, where their sense of independence and agency might be lostâjust like settlement work requires balancing care with empowerment.
Pros of Living Among and Serving Newcomers
Deep relational understanding and trust: Proximity builds trust. It reveals hidden needs and gives insight beyond statistics. Father Gregory Boyleâs ministry with gangs in Los Angeles shows how presence reshapes lives.
Empowerment through presence: Living with people, not over them, shows solidarity. It affirms dignity. Newcomers become partners, not projects. This often gives birth to community-led initiatives that last.
Immediate practical impact: Meeting real needsâlike furniture or foodâcreates stability. It gives families room to breathe, heal, and plan.
Inspiration for others: Sacrificial presence motivates teams. When one person lives with focus and commitment, others follow.
Risks of Doing Too Much
Dependency: Too much help traps people. Long-term camps have shown how aid can create cycles of waiting rather than building.
Undermining local initiative: Free aid often kills small businesses where both newcomers and hosts depend on trade.
Burnout: Practitioners who overextend collapse under the weight. When that happens, both they and the community lose.
Power imbalance: Overhelping strips leadership. Growth comes when people lead their own solutions.
Wu Wei and the Balance of Action
The Taoist thought âdoing nothing is itself doing somethingâ is best captured by Wu Wei çĄçș. It means ânon-actionâ or âeffortless action.â Not laziness, but alignment with the natural flow. Action without force.
The Dao De Jing says: âThe Way never acts, yet nothing is left undone.â In Zhuangzi, Cook Ting cuts an ox with ease because he follows the grain. The knife lasts for years because he does not fight what is natural.
Key lessons:
Wu Wei is âdoing without forcing.â
It avoids pushing outcomes into failure.
It lets action flow where it sustains.
It often achieves more by leaving space.
Philosophy has debated this for centuries. In settlement work, it means knowing when to step back as much as when to act.
A Biblical Lens
This idea is not far from the Bible.
Mosesâ father-in-law, Jethro, confronted him: âThe thing you are doing is not good⊠you will wear yourself out, both you and these people with youâ (Exodus 18:17â18). Moses believed endless work was faithfulness. Jethro named it as danger. The solution was not more effort but shared leadership. Boundaries were part of Godâs wisdom for His people.
Jesus embodied this same wisdom in a fuller way. He did not heal every person in Galilee. He walked away from the needy to rest. He withdrew to pray. He allowed others to carry the work forward. His mission was perfect, yet His ministry had limits by design. The Son of God embraced restraint as part of obedience.
The pattern goes deeper still. God Himself does not do everything for us. He provides, yet He calls us to plant, build, and labor. He gives grace, yet He expects faith and action. The story of Scripture is not God overwhelming human effort but God partnering with it. This is the deepest layer: divine power works through human responsibility, not in place of it.
A Personal Reflection
I remember one family I worked with years ago. They had fled violence and arrived with nothing. We rallied resources quicklyâhousing, food, clothes, even school supplies for the children.
But months later I noticed the father withdrawing. He stopped showing initiative. He stopped looking for work. The constant flow of help had unintentionally stripped him of agency.
The breakthrough came not when we provided more but when we stepped back. We told him: âWeâve walked with you this far. Now you must take the next step.â
He did. He found work, unstable at first but his own. It marked a turning point for his dignity. That would not have happened if we had kept filling every gap.
What This Means for Us
Settlement service is not a straight line of giving. It is a balance of presence, restraint, and timing.
Act with love, but not compulsion.
Give enough to meet the need, but not so much that you erase resilience.
Serve in ways that sustain both you and those you walk with.
Sometimes stepping back is the most faithful step forward.
Tell me what you think. Leave a comment or a question. I read every one. Your input helps me see what matters most to you and shapes where we go next.
Exit to Hope
is where sponsors and partners come together to move newcomers from survival to stability. It is a movement I long to grow, making practical help more accessible to those who need it most.Thank you for walking this journey. Your support helps me think about what is next and how the communities behind me can take part in rebuilding newcomersâ lives. May your week be filled with purpose and peace.